The Great Betrayer

Yesterday lunch time Lee, of The Chaps, and I were talking about the game of Dystopian Wars I’d played against our friend Neil, also of The Chaps the night before.

As I detailed how, thanks to some truly prodigious dice rolling, I’d managed to inflict 2 critical hits on a cruiser with a single shot from a Zeno class’ particle accelerator, immolating it, we got on to the subject of dice.

Within Games Workshop gaming circles and The Chaps it is accepted that red ones roll higher. If ever there’s a critical roll to be made you break out the red dice. Equally if you’re rolling for leadership you roll white ones. And rolling red ones all the time uses up all their specialness.

At the end of this 20 minute prattling session we concluded the following:

1. Dice will betray you if you don’t treat them right. Unless you roll like you mean it they will let you down.

2. Gamers are all psychically in tune with their dice. We’ll know instantly the result of a roll just by picking up the dice and how they feel in our hand.

3. Dice of one colour don’t like being rolled with dice of another. Particularly if rolled alongside the favoured (red) dice.

This special breed of plastic prejudice will usually result in a higher than average failure rate. Unless you’re Ian of The Chaps, then it’ll be even worse than that.

4. Certain dice will never serve you. We’ve concluded that this psychic connection endures which is why it always feels wrong using someone else’s dice.

What this means is that dice you inherit, buy second hand – however that happens – or, God forbid, you nick off your mates will always work towards your downfall as they serve another.
And woe betide should you use those dice against their true master.

5. Dice know if you didn’t like the game they were from. It’s the equivalent of slagging off your best mate’s sainted mother. On the surface everything seems fine until one day, when you least expect it, they will put the boot in so hard you’ll be sick in your mouth.

If at all possible those dice should be thrown in the same swamp where the last 10 seconds of Prometheus should reside.

6. Finally, dice will only help those who help themselves. Blaming your dice will not help your cause. In fact, you might as well pack up your toys and go home.

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